The Bride To Be

Dated for a minute,
But my heart just wasn't in it,
So I did the disappearing act I'm so proficient in.
She calls me up, she's to be married,
With some Tom or Dick or Harry,
But first she needs to meet me for a final night of sin.

At first, of course, I hesitate,
(Don't wanna eat from another man's plate),
But I forgot how good she is at rhetoric.
So a time and place was set,
For us to lose our etiquette,
But when we meet it hits me like a brick.

Have I lost my sense of pride?
Am I to share another's bride?
Have I turned into all I find disgusting?
Am I just a final fling?
An arbitrary plaything,
You throw away once you've finished lusting?

"You could been the one", she said,
"Take off your clothes, let's go to bed",
But I couldn't go through with what I shouldn't have started.
"Stop looking so stigmatic,
"You always were melodramatic,
"And besides, since when did you become so warmhearted?

"It's something I need off my chest,
"And since it's what we both do best,
"I figure that you owe me because of how you walked away.
"You know, you could have been the one,
"But that was then, what's done is done,
"How else could I have met my fiance'?"

I got up and I started dressing,
Deafened by what she was confessing,
What's wrong is wrong and that's as plain as fact.
"Why am I so unsurprised?
"I'm sure that you feel martyrized,
"You know, backbone was what you always lacked.

"You're as useless as a shriveled dick!
"Get out of here! You make me sick!
"Is this how you repay a compliment?"
I turned away, not looking back,
And did my disappearing act,
Still, I wonder just how the wedding went...

Escape-Ape

"Another day, another dollar",
Still the bills are stacking taller,
And I look for retreat, a way to escape,
Maybe it's best to degrade to an ape...

Nothing to do but hang around trees,
Chill with your friends and scour for fleas,
Eat a banana, I see the appeal,
Of holding your dinner between toe and heel.

No need to play chess, no one to impress,
Your very existence, your sign of success,
Down in the jungle, the joy it would bring,
To reach out, grab a vine and swing.

They might take your picture for nature TV
Or put you in a zoo but that's alright with me,
I think that I'm ready to start shifting shape,
It could be kind of cool if I were an ape.

Divided

Smell it on my breath,
I'm sinking to a greater low,
But I keep it camouflaged,
So nobody will know.

Ask me what I'm doing,
Do you really think I have a clue?
I'm floating through the netherworld,
Just reading the reviews.

I like the occasional riddle,
And I like to play the naughty fiddle,
But I'ld rather take two steps back,
Then get caught up in the middle.

If I'm divided into equal parts,
And one half is completely empty,
And the other half is full of crap,
Am I full of empty shit?